To siblings of children with special needs...

Ever since age 16, I have been involved with an organization called Sibshops.  Sibshops are workshops for siblings of children with special needs.  Essentially they are "camps" where sibs can share their experiences with other siblings, play, laugh, relax, and make friends.

Last Saturday was the final Sibshop of the year (we run on a school year schedule as opposed to the calender year) and once again it was amazing to see the resilience and strength of these little kiddos.  I'm always impressed by how open they are about the hardships of having siblings with disabilities, yet how caring and loving they are too.

The Seattle Channel recently filmed one of our Sibshops and it gives a great idea of what they are all about:  http://www.seattlechannel.org/videos/video.asp?ID=3071021.   

Dear Sibs,

You are probably the most patient, compassionate, understanding children I have ever had the pleasure to meet.  Yes, sometimes early on Saturdays I worry that I won't have the energy to facilitate, but then I am fueled from seeing your smiling faces and the sheer relief that resonates from your little selves.  Relief that you have a space to be yourself; a space where you can complain and not be judged; a space where you can be a kid, and only a kid, once again.

For non-sibs, it can be difficult to imagine the hardships that accompany being the sibling of a child with special needs.  They may sympathize, but that's not exactly what we need.

They don't understand the anxiety behind every public outing: Will she throw a tantrum today?  Will he start screaming at the top of his lungs in the middle of the grocery store?  

They don't understand how we deal with certain behaviors: "I can't believe you didn't hit him back!" "Did she really throw that at you?" 

They don't understand how we could possibly put up with someone like our sibling, let alone love them unconditionally.  But we do.  We love them and we forgive them.  Every time.

To me, you are all heroes.  You were never given the chance to say "I want this," yet you handle the situation as best you can.  When you're older and reflecting back on your childhood, you may have regrets.  You may wish you were just a little more patient, a little more empathetic with your sibling.  Just know that you did the best you could under very difficult circumstances.

Sibs, thank you for reminding me every day how lucky I am to be a sib and how important it is to show love, empathy, and kindness to every child out there.  After all, they could be a sib too!

Take care of yourself!
Suz

To Greg F...

I promise you'll get a longer letter later, but in the meantime...

Dear Gregory Cornflakes,

Thank you for making dinner and bringing me my favorite ice cream (made with coconut milk!).  I was having a very stressful day and you made it better.

Love,
Suz

To Max P...

Most of my friends and family know I'm not the most consistent person when it comes to practicing instruments.  I've attempted to master at least 4 in my life (fiddle, piano, African drums, guitar) and have never surpassed the basics level on any one of them.  It's not that I don't enjoy playing music, but I love to sing along and when you don't even sound halfway decent... well, it's much easier to just upload a Youtube karaoke video!  

My most recent musical endeavor was to learn how to play acoustic guitar.  Since I've been strapped for cash (an undergraduate degree followed by a graduate degree is quite expensive!), it fell upon my generous friend Max to impart his patience and his knowledge.  And when I say patience, I mean PATIENCE.  As I said before, I'm not the greatest at remembering to practice, or cut my nails, or tune guitars... So the hours he spent going over the same few chords (G, D, Em, C...) must have been excruciating... 

Dear Max,

Though I'm still no Eric Clapton or Pink Floyd, I want to thank you for all the time you put into teaching me the basics of guitar.  I cannot imagine how frustrating of a student I must have been.  You never complained once or bugged me about practicing (though maybe you should have!) and you even complimented my fingertip callouses.

Stella (my car) also appreciates you.  She told me the other day as I was cruising I-169, that she's glad her new owner already knew a little bit about stick shift driving before taking her out on the open road.  I told her it was all thanks to you.  And your Audi.  That probably hates me because I stalled it so much.

Lastly, I want to thank you for helping me get the lowest Spanish grade I've ever received in my entire academic career.  Yup, gracias for talking to me during class!  I'll never understand why I got in so much trouble and you sailed through with your 4.0.  You've claimed it was your "good looks and your charm," but that's debatable!

Truly though, I am thankful to have a friend as generous and talented as you.

Gracias chico!

Tu amiga,
Susanita

To Nick P...

Dear Pookie,

Last night we celebrated your 24th birthday - The 6th of your birthdays we've celebrated together.  As we cheers'd you and thanked your mother for having given birth to you, I thought about how lucky I am to count you as a friend.

When I first arrived at the University of San Francisco, I knew no one, save for you and a few other Seattlites.  Those first months were difficult for me, due to the drama from back home.  Thank goodness I had you there to provide me with support and an ear to listen.

Now we are growing older and our lives are changing.

And perhaps most importantly... You have a job at a small start-up company we all know and love!

Nick, I am so proud and happy for you.  I can't wait to see all that you accomplish at Google.

Thank you for being such a loyal friend.

Hug!
Suz

P.S. Veronica Mars is smarter than you!! ;-)

To my mom...

Dear Mom,

Words cannot express how thankful I am that you are my mother.  You have been the best role model a woman could ask for - you are confident, fun, funny, caring, joyful, supportive, strong, generous, passionate, accepting, positive, compassionate... I truly believe that it was through your guidance that I became the person I am today.

When I was younger, I never realized how fortunate I was to have been born to such wonderful parents. I know I complained about our healthy diet and the simple living, among other things.  Now as an adult, I couldn't have asked for a better start to my life.  You taught me to be aware of our impact on the environment, to care for the well being of others, to stand up for what I believe in, to be proud that I am a woman, to understand the importance of family, and to laugh and find joy in everything.

I even appreciate the Period Party.

Yes, you read that correctly.

When I was 12 years old, I had my very first period and you threw a party for me.  We called it "Blessing the Blossom" and invited all the women in my life to attend.  Though I was embarrassed through and through, that party enabled me to take pride in being a woman.  As each guest shared her personal experience, I learned to celebrate being me.

That was a gift you gave me.

As I watch all these girls around me at work, I am truly shocked at how quickly they learn to hate their own bodies. Then I realize how fortunate I am to have been given the gift of self-confidence and a positive body image at such a young age.

Mom, you are truly a wonderful mother and an even more incredible woman.

Thank you for being you.

I love you!!

Love,
Your Daughter Suz

To my little man...

Dear Bug,

During the first year of your life, I absolutely fell in love with you. You were the cutest baby, so smiley and, well, a bit drooly too. You wrapped me around your teeny tiny little finger faster than I could say "peek-a-boo!" Seriously... the first time I met you during my nanny interview, you spit up all over my phone and all I did was wipe it off with an "Oopsies! So cute!"

Now you're almost 5 years old and more than half way to my 5'4 height. I'm constantly amazed at how fast you've grown and how smart you are (no bias, I swear!). You have this endearing personality that never ceases to charm everyone you meet.

You also say the darndest (and by darndest, I mean cutest!) things to say. For instance, one evening when I was babysitting you, you asked me in reference to the 3 chocolate chip cookies I had brought over for us to share, "Suz, who gets the last cookie?" Before I could reply, you reached over and snagged it from the bag and said with a grin,"I think it's for whoever gets it first!"

So clever!

Little M., I feel so lucky to be able to watch you grow up. Though I don't see you nearly as much as I would like (no more Tuesdays are Suz days...), you're still a special part of my life.

I love you so much, bug!!

With love,
Your nanny Suz

To my 5th grade Lunch Bunch ladies...

Dear 5th Grade Girls,

In response to my question at Lunch Bunch today (name one thing you will miss about elementary school and one thing you are looking forward to in middle school), every single one of you said you would miss me.

Thanks for making me feel so appreciated!

All the best,
Ms. Chen